How am I suposed to pretend, I never want to see you again?

The feeling of wanting to cry for no reason is one of the reasons I enjoy being a girl. and also one of the reasons I hate it.

Why Did I Change the Pace, Hearts Were Never Meant to Race

North Carolina was amazing. seriously. It was 75 degrees on saturday. i was HOT. I didn't want to come back. eating ice cream in the sunshine is something i look forward to doing daily once things warm up a little bit more here. It is going to be glorious. Here are a few highlights. Sorry no pictures. weird, i know. but i guess we were all a little more worried about our competitions.

• SO MUCH diversity. It was very refreshing to be around people unlike the ones at BYU.
• The appetizer trio that actually had 4 items...
• The male flight attendant flirting with Tahna... "Hooters?"
• Continental Breakfast
• Beautiful architecture
• A large city that is deceptively small, clean and free of people. all the time.
• The panels on the outside of buildings that would light up and play music when you touched them. We loved almost more than the 5 year old that showed us
• Alice in Wonderland in a glorious theater. So worth the $9
• "It tastes like what I like"
• Water polo death match
• Having a row to myself on the plane to aid in my sleeping
• Getting disqualified from the transportation competition

Basically it was a party. Only about 4 weeks until winter semester is over! I can't wait for spring as it is bringing so many changes. I am moving, I am changing my work schedule, maybe getting a second job, and I will be out of school! I can't wait. Hopefully I will have more time to devote to sewing, photography and Video. I will also need time to prepare for summer activities, which most of you probably already know about, but I am waiting to announce on here until it is a little more official. So stay tuned for some exciting news!

I'm a Satellite Heart, Lost in the Dark

Two Days until this:

Yeah, I am pretty excited.

I Will Face the World Alone and Never be Lonely

Farewell February! I probably won't miss you. March means spring is coming!

This weekend I headed down to St. George to spend some time with my mom, grandma, and great aunt. It was educational. There were so many conversations about body parts and body functions, I never want to get old. But it was a very good trip and I am glad the girls were going to vegas so I could catch a ride with them. We left on Thursday evening and now it is sunday afternoon and I am waiting for them to come get me.

The weekend mostly consisted of me babysitting/chauffeuring my grandma and great aunt around while my mom was at her conference. We went to Michaels (multiple times), target, costco, wal-mart, The St. George Temple, Cracker Barrel, In-and-Out, Croshaw's (Pie shop), A random fabric store, and Jacob Hamblin's home.

I also helped my great aunt make some fleece tie quilts while we watched Enchanted. It was a great weekend, but I feel like I need another weekend to recuperate. Those woman kept me up late most nights and they wake up impossibly early. Great Aunt Millie is hilarious and the sweetest little lady you have ever met. I hope there will be many more trips down to visit her.

Now some pictures for your viewing pleasure:

My new favorite missionary couple. They were leading tours at Jacob Hamblin's home

A skull in Jacob Hamblin's home

The ladies I spent the weekend with

My ever so stylish Great-Aunt Millie

things happen, I know, for a reason

As of late life has been crazy. I have been so stressed and I don't know what to do about anything. It is awesome. I have my first really hard test for work coming up and I am terrified. School projects are piling up and it seems as though I will never have the time to finish them all. I have friends but I feel very alone right now. I need a fresh start and a big change. Too bad it is the middle of the semester. Winter semester is always the hardest. I miss the sun, the warmth on my skin, swimming, studying in the grass, getting a little color on my skin.

I was chatting with my friend this weekend and I was trying to have a pity party and he would not let me. I was really mad at the time because I just wanted to complain about everything but after awhile I realized he was right. I have to decide to be happy. No one is going to come along and suddenly make me happy. School is not magically going to become easier. I have to choose to live my life and not just make it through my life. So here are the good things happening in my life:

I went to a concert friday night. I love concerts and this one did not disappoint.

The semester is halfway over on wednesday.

I have money. Not tons, and it is mostly all spoken for, but I have money for the things I need.

I do have friends. They love me, and I need to appreciate them more.

I have some amazing roommates, one of which in particular who takes very good care of me.

I have a place to live for S/S/F/W. And for less than I was expecting.

I am getting a new nephew in May.

I get to make movies for the rest of the semester. Yeah it is hard, but it is also a lot of fun.

I got some great experience arranging flowers on valentines weekend. And I discovered the beauty of calle lilies.

Aren't they beautiful?

It's okay if you fool everyone

Things I have learned over the past week:

1. Life is a lot easier if you pass classes the first time you take them

2. I am clingy and needy. I am fine with this but I guess some people are not...

3. I become VERY attached VERY easily. BIG problem.

4. Fake it 'til you make it - words to live by, especially when arranging flowers for v-day

5. Just working and NOT going to school will be blessed

6. I still dislike working at 4 am

My head is going to explode

Work at 4 am in not my favorite. I keep telling myself that it is only for one semester, trying to help myself get through, but then I remember that as long as I work in the NOC, regardless of the semester, I will always have at least one 4 am shift. ALWAYS. and during the summer I will probably have three 4 am shifts. All I can do it keep breathing.